This year my best friend encouraged me to participate in Ramadan. I have wanted to undertake this time of purification, a reflection of faith and commitment to a spiritual duty. I am not religious, no. I come from a Christian background. My values certainly stem from those days and notions instilled in me from birth. Though due to the dramas of life and my own insights into being, I no longer can claim to be Christian.
I have wanted to participate in Ramadan for several years. My main inspiration the state of change and beauty that my Muslim friends shed during such a time. I have met some truly benevolent people through faith, as well as the similar experiences we share. Connecting with such people tied closely to a system of faith and realising their methodology to being greater than their Worldly issues, I can only feel inspired as admire the tremendous effort.
In order to humble myself, to reconnect with some submission to self-control over the wilderness of pleasure I have chosen to abstain. Since Ramadan begun, I have been studying the rules. The capacity in which I can act, what would help me purify and give thanks to being whilst cleansing the state I have become used to.
My main vices are smoking, sexual pleasure, drinking, anger, gambling, demotivation, lack of concentration. These are the things in me I want to expel. With 29 days left I can tell each day will take me a step closer to alleviating myself from these things, which have become more damaging than pleasurable in any way.
Of course, it is idealistic to join a wave of faithful who do not engage in any of the above. Without my passion for change embroiled in faith. The haste for change has always been evident, no matter how large the cry. I have cried out for change in many ways, through friends who are no longer here or by my body vibrating and telling me no. Or the brain is so dysfunctional it cannot cope, yet hopes for a brighter healthier way.
I hope it sticks and stays, as I wade through the murky waters I stood in and let rise. The prize is a greater me. I also want to implement praying, the only thing I did not manage to abide by with Ramadan. I suck at praying, my mind is stuck in a Philosophical framework which reduces my words to mush over being heard. The feelings inferred I wanted to reach out to a higher being, but I am truly dreaming of a big drop to stop all ill wills.